Bottoms UP palS ~!

Current Upload 东来东往 - 连哭都是我的错

Have i really stood up?
i guess if i could still ask a question like this, i have not.


It's even ok to know that im not on my feet yet, but it bothers me to wonder about the last place i fell.
Zero memories it is, i forgot what was it that had hurt me so much till i don't even know why am i such a weakling now.


I haven't treasured myself when i could have been a lot better of. Reliance on others. Was that what i had been doing all these while?

i suppose.


Numbing myself so much that i forgot even what was pain and how it should feel like. Was that why i am so jovial and optimistic now?


i could feel others woes so much whenever they narrate themselves to me, even to the point when they kept silent and dont't speak, but when it comes back to myself, i realise i don't understand what im feeling and more then 1/2 the time, everything is ignored and after that, FORGOTTEN.


Is this the reason? For awhile, i thought i was inhuman. lol


In me now, it feels i have this BIG BIG HOLE in my HEART and no matter how i try to fill it up, it is still hollow. I must have thrown too much junks into it which explains my weak body and low self morale, even the virtue of self discipline don't seem to linger around me anymore.

It's such a paradox.

I'm feeling all weary and empty, yet i have such a hectic and full life out there. It is just the contrary or rather the cover up?


Stand a meter near me, the scent of alcohol ooze 360 degrees. Actual fact, i just like to sing. They are the only that help convey my silent heartbeat.




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Current Song: 东来东往 - 连哭都是我的错