自由の黒板

Life is like a box of chocolate, you never know what ya gonna get

2007-11-12T18:51:00.000+08:00

True as the statement says...

i wonder hard sometimes, why would anyone in this world hurt another?
unconsiously, purposefully.. ?

Accidentally, i fell into it again. Knowing the consequences of it, yet i still chose to let it manipulate me... Silly huh?

It would be nice if there was at least a proper reaction back, but i know it well in me, the possibility is close to zero.

"What is the reason of you saying and doing all these to me?
Another fool's game? or You really meant what you've said?"

Whatever that had happened, just cast this feeling on me. Seems i've lost a soul?
Don't really like what im feeling now. But who can help it?
Just want to sleep...

Current Mood : Empty...
Current Music : Zhang HuiMei - Ru Guo Ni Ye Ting Shuo

Smile and everlasting Smile ^_____^

2007-10-30T01:33:00.000+08:00

Probably its a good time to Hibernate.

Im having so much fun and happiness now. I really dun hope for any of my friends to cross the line. Too busy for anything anyway in the 1st place.

Thanks honey, for always coming to the rescue. HAHA. u noe wad i mean.

Its gonna be really hectic this week. So many projects due..
Any kind souls out there who wanna give me a hand on these lump of papers?

Weary now, still doing research.. zzzzzz..

Current Mood: Sleepy
Current Music: Classical Pieces from the movie SECRET (斗琴）

Too Dificult, Take me away. Will you?

2007-10-21T23:09:00.000+08:00

Why do i always feel like running away?
Is this in me? Or am i just being skeptical abt life?

It seems I've forgotten my name, my personality. Everyday seems unreal.
Have i really walked out of myself?

BBQ was fun, at least, i enjoyed talking to the pple. Somehow i still felt very uneasy seeing him there. Didnt expect he would go.

I wonder always, if i lay low and i dont always look so jovial, would i still get the same popularity? Im tired of smiling.

Promised myself to quit smoking and guess what?
I'm puffing away like nobody's business now, chain smoking.

Sick of these thoughts. Argh. When would i have that same laughter again? That true happy me? Tired of filling up these holes, it just never seems to be filled. No matter what i do, it still feels empty.

Current Mood: Empty
Current Music: Alicia Keys - If I ain't got you

Heart's Strength Level?

2007-10-21T14:13:00.000+08:00

I used to hate this track...

Talked to a friend this morning and it is making wonder about many things suddenly.
Is it that I've turned cold? Have i defied my heart about how she's feeling?

Woke up just with a pondering mind and decided im gonna blog it down.

I was affected somehow last nite, or rather saturday morning when i saw him walk pass me. Couldn't decide the reason of feeling that way. If it was because of still having certain feelings for him? or Was i having pity for the relationship on how good we could possibly be, even as friends.

Shared this incident to my friend and he commented that is is definitely because i still have feelings for him. I thought a little about what he had said and i wonder if it was really that simple? Have i made it complex purposefully?

This is what he knows but i did not share with him about how i felt on another incident. I wonder if my heart had moved unknowingly for another. I described vaguely about some incidents that happened recently with 2 friends and he insist that i should find out about the answers. I chose to decline.

I'm afraid of losing these friendships now, these people who were there for me and me being there for them when we are down, being so good together. What if i lose them? I know i would definitely regret.

Is this the reason why im not reacting properly to certain actions they potrayed? It had been ringing in me since these actions started. Have i stopped feeling? or Am i just defensive now?

Cant blog further.. chain of thoughts keep breaking because my brother wants his com back..
zzz..

I should get my connectinon soon.

Current Mood: Sleepy
Current Song: Kelly Clarkson - Because of you

2007-10-14T21:41:00.000+08:00

Hectic week it is, but ever fufilling =) Long time since the last time i stepped into a pub with the identity of waitress. It was fun, hee.. at least i had fun.

I think the only place that i can enjoy work would be in a pub. The no limitations to alcohol, people meeting, talking and playing. This is just so me. HAHA

Wonderful weekend with a mini gathering with my already ex-colleagues.. really "she bu de" them.. how i wish i can have them and the same pay amt the next company gonna offer me.

Had a silly nightmare, probably due to over thinking.
In dream: Ex boss went to my new company and made a big hoo haa of my pay as the increment is more then 20% and tried ways and means to get me out of the new company, devastated, i was crying ;'(

Told jeremy over dinner, he just laffed over it. Hee.. guess i didnt really express my fears ya?

First day at work at Club Xin, appreciate the friends who came. Although a mini disaster happened that got me so awake when i thought i was going to concuss anytime, it is still fun =)

Hopefully Ms Joey is all good now. Thank Gawd i never saw myself in this manner when i was drunk and hope she is all ok and forgotten the issue too.

Pleasant surprise to see 2 of my long lost friends. Can't stop smiling thinking of them, just very paiseh that i didnt recognize them 1st. HAHA. Guess im really the only one who has never changed ya?

...

I wonder how is Honey feeling now? It must have been a ultimate tiring week for him, though i am wondering hard abt the ever occupying activities, at the same time i just hope i am thinking too much.. Please be well ok?

Some silly pictures here, haha. Gonna get real busy soon. Cheers to me?

Me & Jazz

Mini Gathering with colleagues

Long Lost Adeline & Boyfriend

Honey & capricorn Friend.. Forgot her Name.. HEHE

Care bEar Me & Honey

Adeline & Me

::winks::
^.*

Current Music: 张敬轩-电影(十分爱)钢琴曲
Current Mood: Cheerful ^_^

HAH CHOOOOOOOOoooo !

2007-10-09T23:56:00.001+08:00

OOOOOOooo..

lately i like to stay at home. haha i dunno y :P
maybe it's due to laziness?

im stuck to my room. heee.. my piano could be the culprit.
thank god i still haven't got my own connection to the internet,
otherwise imagine it (i should be found hidden in the tiny corner watching serials every hour)

WOOOHOOO ~! just finished Sanrio Pasta << 微笑pasta >> =)
how i wish i am 晓诗 ... have a somebody like 何群 everyday little fights still happy inside the heart.. those sweet sweet feeling... miss that so much..

Will anyone ever be too old for that?

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Drowsy today.. T_T, i think its because of my Runny Nose.. =/ i think my poor nose is peeling already.. *sobsob* Doctors anywhere?

2000mg of Vitamin C today plus extravagant intake of H2O~~
"May thy nose be non-watery tomorrow"

Off to enjoy the internet connection while my bro is out. KEKEKE
laters all =D

im craving for sweet foods again... 救命啊！
---> any kind souls?

Current Mood: Sneezy
Current Song: jacky wu & landy - rooftop (屋顶）

北极星的眼泪

2007-10-08T01:39:00.000+08:00

像断了线
消失人海里面
我的眼终于失去你的脸

再等一会奢望流星会出现
愿如果真的实现
爱能不能永远
明天或许来不及变
但曾经走过的昨天
越来越远

Chorus 1:
北极星的眼泪
说不出的想念
原来我们活在两个世界
北极星的眼泪
你哭红的双眼
被淋湿的诺言
淹没在心里面
我抬头看着爱不见

再等一会奢望流星会出现
愿如果真的实现
爱能不能永远明天
或许来不及变
但曾经走过的昨天
越来越远

Chorus 2:
北极星的眼泪
说不出的想念
原来我们活在两个世界
北极星的眼泪
你哭红的双眼
被淋湿的诺言
淹没在心里面
我抬头看着爱不见

Bridge:
当对的人等不到对的时间
就在放放开手的瞬间
爱撕成两边

Chorus 3:
北极星的眼泪
说不出的想念
原来我们活在两个世界
北极星的眼泪
你哭红的双眼
被淋湿的诺言
淹没在心里面
我抬头看着爱不见
整个宇宙都流眼泪

Current Mood: Teary
Current Song: 北极星的眼泪

Eye Feast

2007-10-07T20:16:00.000+08:00

Crazy week it is, but all worthwhile =) Soooooo FUN esp with the 3 ladies. Appreciate their company, been a long time since such silly stuffs could occur. kekeke ^_^

Wanna know how much fun it was? Check out the pictures =)

I hope dear and honey enjoyed themselves too, sorrie if i wasn't a very good host.. you noe lar, i'm always everywhere esp when im "there" ~.~

Stay well everyone, see u all soon!
*Cheers*

CANDID? Guess what we have in mind?

Looking Xin Fu? Classic :P

Damn high le.. (Click to see the animated version)

See no Hear No Speak No Evil!! (Click to see the animated version)

See no Hear No Speak No Evil 2!!

See no Hear No Speak No Evil 3!!

Kiss Honey?

So Drunk until Honey's Watch is still with me now.. HEHEHE..

Honey & Meeee...

OOOOOooooo. Kiss ? :P

4 beauties =)

Current Mood: Hysterical
Current Music: ringing in my mind, Bu Neng Shuo de Mi Mi(Classical Version) maybe cuz i was playing it just now =)

Bottoms UP palS ~!

2007-10-04T21:42:00.000+08:00

Current Upload 东来东往 - 连哭都是我的错

Have i really stood up?
i guess if i could still ask a question like this, i have not.

It's even ok to know that im not on my feet yet, but it bothers me to wonder about the last place i fell.
Zero memories it is, i forgot what was it that had hurt me so much till i don't even know why am i such a weakling now.

I haven't treasured myself when i could have been a lot better of. Reliance on others. Was that what i had been doing all these while?

i suppose.

Numbing myself so much that i forgot even what was pain and how it should feel like. Was that why i am so jovial and optimistic now?

i could feel others woes so much whenever they narrate themselves to me, even to the point when they kept silent and dont't speak, but when it comes back to myself, i realise i don't understand what im feeling and more then 1/2 the time, everything is ignored and after that, FORGOTTEN.

Is this the reason? For awhile, i thought i was inhuman. lol

In me now, it feels i have this BIG BIG HOLE in my HEART and no matter how i try to fill it up, it is still hollow. I must have thrown too much junks into it which explains my weak body and low self morale, even the virtue of self discipline don't seem to linger around me anymore.

It's such a paradox.

I'm feeling all weary and empty, yet i have such a hectic and full life out there. It is just the contrary or rather the cover up?

Stand a meter near me, the scent of alcohol ooze 360 degrees. Actual fact, i just like to sing. They are the only that help convey my silent heartbeat.

Current Mood:
Current Song: 东来东往 - 连哭都是我的错

時々理解しないなぜ均等にしなさい (Sometimes Even You Don't Understand Why)

2007-10-01T23:37:00.000+08:00

Track Uploaded Today: Sun Yan Zi - 我怀念的

Have i grown stronger?

This question whirled continuosly in my head today.

Well, confession...
hehe, i didn't go work today because of this swollen eye... =/
Everyone who saw it, even my mum commented that its the punishment of looking at too many guys.

LOL.

But i thought to myself, can't it be because i was peeping at too many girls? =P

Tears flow continuosly today and i almost couldn't understand the actual reason that caused that.

I've sent a message to Mr E.
Probably that was the reason?
Stated clearly to him that i wanna break every single contact with him, including all his friends, im never gonna appear before any them again. Reason because, it is relatively disturbing to receive any information of him or anyone from the group.

There was lots of relieve, somehow, it felt a lot better. Probably, this had been what i always wanted all these while but just lacked the guts to do so.

Good Fabbie replied today and asked how am i. Told her the exact same things i told Mr E. Im ok i guess, but i want my things back.

I never felt this way of myself over this 24 and a 1/2 years of my life. Probably it was just me self consoling myself but this voice in my head spoke in repitition, "it's all for the better"

Those days, i would have hid myself and sink into depression, but this time, somehow, i managed to face it, almost totally.

Out of all these silly stuffs, i'm half happy still. Heeee..
I was surprised with myself with one hit on my piano and i played the full song of Jay Zhou's movie: Secret - 不能说的秘密 classical format ley ;P

Rushing through this bloggy today, cuz i wanna wish everyone
HAPPY CHILDREN's DAY
before midnight =)

Current Mood: Calm
Current Music: Sun Yan Zi - 我怀念的

私の認識の人及 (My Perception Of Men)

2007-09-30T08:30:00.000+08:00

***Before you start reading this, ensure you have a good sense of HUMOR and are not PETTY***
else please click on the "X" button on either left or right of your browser

MEN

Category C: Male chauvinist (MCP)
Usually found to be:
-Petty
-Selfish
-Unreasonable
-Prideful
Definition: a person with a prejudiced belief in the superiority of his own kind
(Usually the Jerks)

Category B: Mr Nice Guy
Usually found to be:
-Obliging
-Submissive
-Low Self Esteen
-Boring
Definition: the "losers"
(From the book written by John Alexander they are known as Beta-Males)

This is SINGAPORE that i am living in.
And i'm wondered about the men living in this country.

Many of that i met, had been branded by me with the tag "SORE LOSER" and there are of those which require no branding. They walk around with the tattoo "JERK" on their foreheads.
(These are non-humans at least its what i thought)

Most of the population that i've met are known as "Mr Nice Guys", Category B. They usually get pushed over, bullied and manipulated. The insecurities found in them may lead to "agressiveness" which you may find this similar quality with Category C. Them finding it hard to convey their thoughts may result to many disrespectful actions.

Oftenly, i find this group of people irritating as they would never voice their thoughts. Either this way or they do not know how to make decisions. You feel like they are "Gu Niangs"(women).

When things do not go their way and at the same time their ego starts playing tricks with them, you start to see another cycle of his life. Actions that this "nice Guy" does thereafter may lead to a common line bythwir partners, "i don't understand you anymore."

Insecurities; i find it very hard to surface this flaw i see in many. The common dreadful things that happen are promiscuity and possesiveness. In order to fill up this "hole" in them, they may start to be domineering and in time if they still fail to address their thoughts and anxiety, anguish follows.

Heard of anyone beating his partner up? Their fear of losing further pride box them up, closing every channel of release and such results.

Pettiness; Ever wondered how someone could get angry over the minoriest issue? They get angry and during the midst of temper lost, they lose themselves and become unreasonable.

Many a times, when neither gives into this arguement, cold war starts and evntually things fade into nothingness and before you know it, its over.

The MCPs - Straigtforwardly, these are arseholes. The occurence of dominating nature could be an in born, but usually it transforms overtime from the people of category B. Sometimes it bothers me if it was because of the upbringing? Education? or the culture of the society?

I find it disgusting especially when these group of people becomes full of themselves. They become very selfish and i thought it evolves till this stage just to protect themselves.

See how they upgrade? From B - C, just like cup B to cup C, they contain all the qualities and magnify themselves better as a jerk. Hee..

In my opinion, the percentage of Category A straight men is close to 0%. Of course you would find Category B and C in the homo world, but a large amount of them are usually top-males. Not to discriminate men, but i think there are still nice straight category As' around this society. I've met some and in my list the closest friends.

I always thought that a "good man" should posses qualities i.e the opposite of Bs' and Cs'. At least, the minimum package is to have good self esteem but not overly. The paradox of life, gives me the benefit of doubt that any kind could be the perfect guy so long as they understand the timings of events.

Many a times in life, things go wrong because of bad timing and slow reaction.

No hard feelings jerks. Anyone can be of the better. It is just what you choose.
A good guy friend of mine ever said this, "man are all jerks at different levels" Even if you deny it, you still learnt how to jerk-off at one point of time. ;)

Another common line i always hear, "the good guys are either married, taken or gays. The remainders are those that are..." Haha you know =)
Hopefully the population of the remainders in this society will have another critic someday.

^_^

Current Mood: Peace
Current Music: the buzzing sound from my fan